Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
