your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
