i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
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Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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