I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
