Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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