Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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