his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
