My liver just broke up with me...
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
