I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
