Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize