drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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