My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
