I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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