That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
