I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
