yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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