You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
