Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
