Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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