Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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