i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Randomize
