i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Randomize
