Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
