Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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