just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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