How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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