people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize