she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
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It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
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Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
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