im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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