Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Randomize
