Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
