i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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