respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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