According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
