Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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