I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
