i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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