Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
