Just mADE A PArabola og urine
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
