using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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