Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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