Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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