I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
only if we run a train.
done.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
