this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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