he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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