y did u give ur computer a hand job?
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I understand Curling. That high.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
