I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
