I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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