A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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