That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
