Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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