i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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