i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
