Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
