Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
