So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
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dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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