Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
