If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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