put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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