I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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