I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
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