I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
