Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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