Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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