u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
